Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize