he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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