how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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