Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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