My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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