Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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