....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize