If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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