even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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