Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize