why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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