Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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