I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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