Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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