You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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