Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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