i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize