Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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