and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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