bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
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the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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