please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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