Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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