cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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