life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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