He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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