fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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