the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dicks are not precious.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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