I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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