i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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