Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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