dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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