I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize