i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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