I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Congratulations! We have a period
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