dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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