Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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