just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize