Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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