did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Randomize