That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize