my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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