She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize