so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize