do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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