the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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