I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize