On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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