I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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