I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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