I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my liver is dry heaving
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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