when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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