4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's great music for shaving your balls
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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